Sherlock Holmes Hits the Silver Screen...At Least, That's Who They Say It Is

When I first heard that there was a new movie version of Sherlock Holmes coming out this year, I figured that it was going to be bad. When I heard that Robert Downey, Jr. was going to be playing the immortal detective, I figured that it was probably going to be atrocious. Then I saw the trailer and, well, it pretty much removed all doubt. Here it is (caution: some objectionable material):

(Picks self up off the floor laughing hysterically) See what I mean? I LOVE the Sherlock Holmes stories. In my opinion, they are the best in detective fiction. Surely they deserve something better than this! I mean, Downey's Holmes looks like he just rolled out of the gutter! Here is the official plot summary:

In a dynamic new portrayal of Arthur Conan Doyle’s most famous characters, Sherlock Holmes sends Holmes and his stalwart partner Watson on their latest challenge. Revealing fighting skills as lethal as his legendary intellect, Holmes will battle as never before to bring down a new nemesis and unravel a deadly plot that could destroy the country.

Translation: This a version for all you people who find Holmes' intellectual genius boring and so need bombs, fistfights, satanists, and sex to make it remotely interesting.

Honestly, I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or scream at this. I need to breathe deeply. I need to calm myself. I need...I need JEREMY BRETT!!!